Advanced psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist CLAIRE GASKIN sees clients in Essex and in London’s Harley Street. She is now bringing her expertise to the problems of our readers as our agony aunt. If you have a problem you’d like Claire’s advice with, email agonyaunt@nqe.com For more details on Claire’s work, visit benefittherapy.co.uk.

Dear Claire...

I have been happily married for a number of years and it had always been our plan to have children.

But it quickly became clear this was not going to be as straightforward as we had thought and despite our GP telling us there is no reason we are not conceiving I am convinced there is a problem.

I am now approaching 40 and feel like time is running out but my husband is reluctant to seek further fertility advice and says we should keep trying a bit longer.

He thinks we should go on a holiday and says if we just relax it will probably happen but I am getting more and more anxious and depressed about it and now struggle to visit friends who have had babies because I feel so envious I do not have a baby of my own.

My sister and mum have said I should pull myself together and get on with things as I am tearful a lot of the time but I am really struggling to do that when it seems everyone else is pregnant or has a baby and it might never happen for me.

Claire says...

Not knowing why you have been unable to conceive can make these upsetting circumstances worse.

You do not say how long ago you first had fertility tests but I think you are right to seek further advice and guidance from medical experts. Your husband will need to agree, so that you can be sure there is no underlying medical cause with either of you.

Explain that, on average, 4 out of 5 couples will conceive naturally within one year of trying (below the age of 40). With fertility rapidly declining in your late 30’s, now is the time to take action. Talk to your husband and book an appointment with your GP, who will be able to go through all of your options. It’s also important to tell your doctor how you are tearful a lot of the time.

Getting the all-clear will allow you to stop convincing yourself something is wrong. The mind-body connection is strong and there is a lot of anecdotal evidence to suggest hypnotherapy can help to reduce stress and anxiety levels attached to fertility problems, as well as attune your mind and body more positively to conceiving.

Your husband’s idea of a relaxing holiday is a good one. Book that, too!