Lexden Primary School youngster, from Colchester, only talks to five people and shuts everyone else out

Bobby Daley has selective mutism and has never spoken a word to his school pals or teachers at Lexden Primary School.

He spends hours locked in complete silence and will only talk to five people – his mum, Georgina, and four siblings Lola, 13; Arthur, six; Jude, ten; and stepbrother Jay, ten.

Even his dad, stepdad, grandparents, aunts and uncles are frozen out while football club team mates have never heard him call for the ball or celebrate a goal.

Bobby’s selective mutism has baffled doctors.

Now the family is turning in desperation to experts in America to unravel the crippling anxiety which causes him to stay silent.

Georgina said: “When he’s with me he never stops nattering and if you heard him playing with his brothers you’d never know that anything was wrong. We can’t shut him up in the house.

“Yet from the moment he leaves for school in the morning, he’s completely silent until he walks back into the house.”

“And when I say silent, I mean that he won’t even cough, sneeze or hiccup. Even if he falls over and hurts himself in the playground, he won’t cry out in pain.

“On the inside Bobby is a little boy who is desperate to tell his friends Minecraft, which Lego cards he’s collected or how many fidget spinners he has at home. But on the outside it’s a different story.

“He’ll sometimes go through a whole day at school desperate for the toilet because he can’t tell the teacher he needs to go.”

Selective mutism is classed as an extreme anxiety disorder which affects seven in 1,000 children and adults.

Bobby, eight, of Colchester, has a severe form in which his condition prevents him from speaking although he can still hear and understand everything.

The cause of the condition is unclear. Some sufferers are believed to have an inherited predisposition to anxiety, while in other cases some sort of psychological trauma can be a factor.

Florist Georgina, 32, of Collingwood Road, Lexden, said: “Bobby does all right at school. He’s exceptionally good at maths and performs well in science and other subjects. He struggles a bit at English.

“He uses a white board in the classroom to write things down, express himself and join in.

“There’s one learning assistant who Bobby’s really close to and he shows her he trusts her by sometimes whistling, yet he’s never spoken to her.”

“The disorder can be difficult to understand and people often assume that Bobby’s just rude. Like if we’re in a supermarket and we get to the till, the assistant might ask Bobby if he’s OK. When he stares silently back, there’s usually a presumption that he’s bad‐mannered but nothing could be further from the truth.”

Georgina said Bobby had suffered major separation issues when he went to play school and she had to stay in the classroom with him every day for weeks.

She said: “Later, he went to nursery and although he seemed less traumatised, he still avoid speaking to anyone.

“Around this time he stopped talking to his dad who I later separated from.

“He started ignoring his grandparents too. People who adored him were being shut out, one after another.”

“He was four when he started school and I still hadn’t managed to get close to a diagnosis, despite Bobby being referred to paediatric consultants and child mental health specialists. No one could tell me why my little boy’s world was getting smaller and smaller.

“I explained the situation to the teachers before Bobby’s first day, but they were shocked when they realised what they were dealing with, despite it being a school that has other children with special learning requirements.

“Everyone tried to forge a connection with him, including the dinner ladies and the cleaning staff, but Bobby’s lips remained sealed.

“We tried everything. At one point I’d go into the school and sit in a classroom on my own with Bobby to get him comfortable and chatting. Then after a while a teacher would discreetly enter the room and Bobby would clam up.”

Only after Georgina came across the term ‘selective mutism’ when trawling the internet for answers did she get a definitive diagnosis.

“I took the information I sourced to my doctor and after a while he came back and confirmed that Bobby’s condition fitted the bill. I just felt numb, even though he was merely confirming what I already knew in my heart.”

Despite his silence, Bobby has formed close friendships and is popular. He’s frequently invited to birthday parties and loves team sports and playground games.

Georgina said: “He communicates with his mates in his own way and they all look out for him. He’ll smile, frown, nod and point but he’s never said a single word to any of them.

“The children are all really close and when he’s with them Bobby’s just like any other kid – happy, relaxed and noisy! Occasionally he gets into arguments with his brothers, but I’m glad he does – it’s a bit of normality in his life.”

The only member of the household who Bobby doesn’t speak to is step‐dad Barry Sim, 42, a painter and decorator who’s been with Georgina for over two years.

“Barry is brilliant with all the kids, including Bobby. Most men wouldn’t be able to cope but he understands what Bobby’s dealing with and takes the view that he’ll speak to him when he’s good and ready.

“I know nothing would make Barry happier than to have Bobby say something to him though – anything at all.”

Now she is hoping Bobby could undergo pioneering treatment in the US.

The Child Mind Institute in New York offers intensive group behavioural therapy designed to help children break free from selective mutism.

The programme takes place in a safe school-like setting where specially-trained psychologists coax youngsters into practising verbal participation through craft activities, sports and field trips.

“We’ve been told by the clinic that Bobby is fast approaching an age when the treatment starts to become less effective – so we’re in a race against time. Bobby’s booked in for next month and we’re currently trying to sort out the logistics.”

The family is desperately trying to raise £6,000 to help cover the cost of the programme plus travel for Bobby and Georgina.

“It’s a daunting prospect as I’ve never been to America before and it’ll just be me and Bobby – we just can’t afford for the rest of the family to join us out there,” admits Georgina.

“The clinic has a high success rate, although nobody can guarantee success in Bobby’s case. But it’s something we simply have to do if he is to have any chance of leading a normal life as he gets older. I daren’t think about what the future holds without a breakthrough.

“As an eight‐year‐old, his friends are incredibly accepting of Bobby’s condition, but as he gets older that’s likely to change. How will he ever hold down a job if he won’t speak? And it’s hard to see how he could form a relationship or start a family.

“I’ll always be there for Bobby and cherish our many incredible chit‐chats. I know how lucky I am that he feels able to talk to me. But I long for the day when the rest of the world can hear his voice and words don’t leave him paralysed with fear.”

To support Bobby’s fundraising, visit justgiving.com/crowdfunding/georgina-daley.