AN oysterman who tried to take his own life has spoken of his joy after becoming a father.

Tom Haward, 39, lives with his fiancée Gemma Tidmarsh, 32, in Rowhedge and works for his dad Richard Haward’s eighth generation Mersea oyster business.

On Monday, the couple, who met in 2016 while both studying a creative writing degree, welcomed their first baby daughter Autumn at Colchester Hospital.

Autumn, described as being “dinky” by her father, was born weighing just 6lbs 6oz after a 37 hour labour.

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For Tom, she signalled new hope after he tried to take his own life six years ago

“She came as a little surprise because we did not know the gender, but it has come so naturally to us both and it just feels so normal,” said Tom.

“She is so chilled out and relaxed, but if she cries our dog Hendrix kisses her, he loves her, and it has already been such a wonderful experience.

“We were never planning to have children, but Gemma fell pregnant and after that initial shock we were so overwhelmed with joy and it was lovely to be happy about it.

The couple were initially concerned about how a child would slot into their lifestyle.

And Tom’s reservations about having a baby came from a much darker place.

Between 2008 and 2016, the accomplished seaman suffered with severe depression and attempted suicide in October 2015.

He was concerned his battles with mental health and his previously negative feelings would be inherited by his daughter.

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“There was a fear within me that my child would get this dark depression which I had, and I worried I could sort of infect her with it,” added Tom.

“But now we have her in our lives I am not afraid for her and if she does ever have struggles then we will be here for her.

“I just have this sense of utter love and protection now and there is no fear whatsoever anymore.”

Tom was adopted when he was a baby, alongside his twin brother Joe, and has grown up as part of the Haward oyster farming family.

He says being abandoned by his birth parents contributed to his depression and made him feel worthless.

He said: “Being adopted opens up a whole can of worms about your identity as a person and there were moments where I struggled with a sense of abandonment.

“I do not resent my parents because I was adopted into an incredible legacy and family, but I feared people leaving me and questioned if it was worth me living.

“It was a deep psychological thing for me and I felt if someone could abandon me as a child then why could they not now? I felt like a burden.

“I felt worthless and it was a dark, negative and nihilistic way of thinking and I spent years believing my identity would be interwoven with my depression.”

Since meeting Gemma, Tom’s battles with mental health have eased and he now cherishes the unconditional love shown to him by his family.

He says he feels “healed” and somewhat at peace with himself and who he is, which has only been further confirmed following the arrival of baby Autumn.

A symbol of how far Tom has come, a photo of his newborn baby has been liked more than 58,000 times on Twitter and has encouraged others with depression to reach out.

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Tom said: “The fear of there being just darkness after this life made me realise I have to live this life and live it now and I am in a really good place now.

“Since posting the photo and saying I trying to commit suicide, I have had people get in touch with me on Twitter saying it made them rethink trying to kill themselves.

“It helped them realise their life is not worthless and it stopped them in their tracks from doing something they could have not gone back on.

“That is amazing. There is always hope.”

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