Colchester mum who lost husband to alcoholism is helping others

As tragic and stark as that number undoubtedly is, it only reveals a fraction of the story, and serves to embody an end just as much as it does a beginning.

Although a conclusion of sorts, for the thousands of family members attached to a loved one who died due to alcohol dependency, it only marks the start of a long journey.

Mother-of-two Kim Moore, 50, of Colchester, currently finds herself on such a soul-finding pilgrimage, following the death of her husband.

Chris, 51, described as “a wonderful man”, died in 2017 after a lengthy battle with alcohol dependency – something which regularly and destructively impacted family life.

“You put a disproportionate amount of time and energy into helping that person overcome their addiction and in the early years it was denial,” said Kim.

“When I would find a vodka bottle, I would put it on the counter and leave it there and not say anything and that was how I dealt with the problem, which was not healthy.

“But it is not just the addict who is unwell, it is the whole family that becomes unwell because your behaviours change and how you live changes because of the illness.

“Our life was chaotic, and much of the time you are trying to cope with the chaos and the unpredictability of it.

“In the beginning we were very much a normal, happy family who would have parties and we were very much in love – but that is the thing about alcoholism, it is sneaky.”

Kim, a marketing guru, moved to the UK in 1998 after meeting Chris in her native Canada while he was visiting the country for work purposes.

They instantly struck up a connection and after he returned home, he sent Kim a plane ticket and asked her to spend two weeks with him.

She took him up on his offer and before too long the pair had fallen in love with each other and had got engaged.

The whirlwind romance resulted in Kim packing up her entire life and moving to Witham with Chris before the couple eventually relocated to Colchester.

Despite going on to spend many happy years together and having two wonderful children, Kim was eventually forced to make the brave, but difficult decision to leave.

She said: “It got to the point where Chris could not function anymore and by that point we were always late for school and bedtime routines were disrupted.

“Trying to raise two children while trying to hide a big problem is very unhealthy, but I spent my time trying to keep a sense of normality for the children.

“It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but it gets to the point where you have to take care of yourself and that is what pushed me to make that decision.

“It was getting really difficult for me to make decisions about whether or not to leave the children alone with their dad.

“He loved his kids, but the fact I had to raise that question was too much for me and so it was time to remove us from that situation.

“It was incredibly difficult, but something I had to do for my own well-being and the children’s well-being. I did not want to normalise the drinking.”

But after removing herself and her children from what was a toxic and unpleasant situation, Kim found herself racked with feelings of guilt and shame.

“When you love someone, you never want to give up on them and leaving felt like giving up,” added Kim.

“I thought it would be easier if his illness was not in our lives, but it got harder because of the complicated grief and layers of emotions I had pushed into a corner.

“I did not overcome that for a long time and I was not taking care of myself and I did not know how to find the time to take care of myself - luckily I had good friends who helped me out.”

After being somewhat dragged on to a run by a pavement-pounding pal, Kim’s outlook slowly started to change and she started to take better care of herself.

She then fulfilled a life-long dream of owning a beach hut when she acquired her now revered and popular red seafront chalet on the Walton coastline.

The “life-changing”, peaceful and tranquil hut has enabled her to dial into clarity and a more balanced headspace in which she can now more clearly explore ways of helping others as well as herself.

At the start of the pandemic, for example, she started up the Blossome Community and the Smiling Again podcast.

Both projects are designed to provide support and advice to people who have also lost loved ones to addiction or who find themselves in a situation similar to the one Kim found herself in.

Kim said: “I am talking about something nobody talks about - even once you lose someone, you feel you are about to fall off a cliff and there is no-one to support you.

“In the Blossome Community, people will have access to the Pathway to Peace healing journey.

“They will find connections with others, resources from professionals, and participate in activities to help them move forward with their healing journey.

“They will also have the community’s full support, cheering them on as they find kinder ways to live full of self-compassion, self-love and joy.”

Being able to find solace in the death of a loved one as a result of alcohol is a welcome step in the right direction.

But alcohol misuse is clearly becoming an increasing and swelling issue. So, how can we start to tackle it?

“I would not profess to be an expert, but my instinct says it starts with how we support people when they experience a trauma in their life,” added Kim.

“Things would have happened in a person’s life which then led them to reach out for something.

“But by focusing on the alcohol alone, we are missing the point.”

To find out more visit: www.blossome.support/blog and www.red-beach-hut.co.uk/mindful-events

To watch Kim's TedX Talk visit: www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2PODjxjRjM&feature=youtu.be